


A Borgias Carol: a Parody

by Anonymous



Category: RPF - Other, The Borgias
Genre: #SaveTheBorgias, Crack, Fans, Firefly References, Gen, Inspired by A Christmas Carol, Parody, The Powers That Be (TPB), premature show cancelation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-04
Updated: 2013-08-04
Packaged: 2017-12-22 10:22:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/912072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Borgias needs renewing but the fan campaign has fallen on deaf ears until the executive responsible for canceling the show gets some ghostly visitors.<br/><b>This is a purely fictional parody - see notes.</b></p>
            </blockquote>





	A Borgias Carol: a Parody

**Author's Note:**

> **This is a purely fictional parody. All characters and events are fictitious or used fictitiously. No intent is made to suggest that these fictional portrayal reflect the real activities of any real persons, living or dead.**

The Borgias had been cancelled, to begin with.

Nevins took himself off home, chuckling as he thought about all the emails and letters and sardines those silly fans had sent him. Wasting their money on planes and people in silly costumes to try to get him to change his mind. Well he wouldn't. That dreadful show had been commissioned by his predecessor and it didn't matter how many awards it got or how many positive reviews there were or how many fans worldwide loved the show, he hated it and had been glad to stick the metaphorical knife in it.

He probably wouldn't get a Christmas card from Neil Jordan that year. He laughed even harder at that.

He locked himself inside his house. He checked his email before turning in for the night. There was a video message from Gail Berman.

"Fans have never forgiven me for canceling Firefly," she said. "The Fox network will forever be known as the network that foolishly cancelled Firefly. Don't make the mistake I did. The fans will not forget or forgive."

Nevins wasn't worried.

"Tonight you will be given a chance to repent," Berman's image said. It flickered ominously. Nevins wondered if it was really her or some sort of video stunt cooked up by those wacky Borgias fans. "Listen to the spirits! Listen!"

The video ended. Nevins thought she needed to lay off the spirits if she was going to start listening to so-called fans, the subscribers and people who purchased DVDs and other merchandise.

He went to bed and turned off the light.

Somewhere a clock struck.

Then the light came back on.

Nevins sat up and found Cesare Borgia sitting on the edge of his bed.

The lengths fans would go to! Though the man looked very like Francois. Surely no matter how much Arnaud loved playing Cesare he wouldn't go to such lengths?

"I am here to show you the error of your ways," the man said. "I am Cesare Borgia, here as the spirit of The Borgias Past."

"I'm going to call the police," Nevins said.

Cesare put one hand on Nevin's pajama sleeve and immediately they were outside, standing on damp grass in a courtyard.

"Where are we? What's going on?"

"This is a scene of happier times," Cesare said. "Our show is in its first season and full of possibilities."

Yes, he was wearing a cardinal's red robes now .A young girl dashed over and threw herself into his arms. "Lucrezia. My darling."

"Come inside. We're ready to eat," Lucrezia said.

They went inside and found a table laden with food and wine. "My children," said Vanozza. "You've brought a guest. Welcome. Sit."

Juan was already seated. "A commoner," he sneered.

"He's an executive," Cesare said.

"I don't see the difference."

"Please excuse my brother," Cesare said. "He's the character we love to hate. The fans have their favorites – me, Lucrezia, father, mother, Giulia –"

"Della Rovere," Lucrezia said darkly. "Cardinal Sforza. Caterina Sforza. That monkey you had in the first episode."

"And Micheletto," Cesare said, and Nevins found the assassin right behind him. Micheletto gave him a smile that was somehow threatening.

"Good evening, my lord," Micheletto said and bowed. Nevins backed away and fell into a chair.

"Let me pour you some wine," Lucrezia said sweetly. Nevins watched her fill the glass. It was probably a bad idea to drink it.

"I'm still alive right now," Juan said, leaning back in his chair. "I have to say though I was also hoping to come back in season four. A cameo. A ghost, a dream, a hallucination…a zombie."

Juan leered at Nevins. In the candlelight he already looked demonic.

"Brother, what would you do if one of our creators treated us disrespectfully?" Lucrezia asked thoughtfully.

Cesare gave her a doting look. "I would cut out his heart with a dinner knife." He picked up a knife from the table.

Nevins got to his feet and ran.

He ran into Micheletto, who was holding a garrote. He turned and fell, and woke up in his own bed.

Just a stupid dream!

Then the clock struck again.

A woman reached over and touched his cheek. "I am Giulia Farnese, here as the spirit of The Borgias Present. Come."

Without conscious thought, Nevins climbed out of bed and followed Giulia outside. They were at a convention where fans were handing out Save The Borgias badges.

"Look over there," Giulia said, pointing. In one corner of the room was a mountain of sardines. "That's all the fish the fans have sent you so you'll notice them. And over there, all the letters. And that pile is what you get if you print off every email and tweet."

It was a lot of fish and a lot of paper.

"The show wasn't economically viable," he began, giving his usual brush off.

"Oh, please," snapped Giulia. "You've never liked the show since you inherited it and you want to replace it with The Vatican, a modern day story about the Pope. All these fans worldwide have watched it faithfully –"

And now every convention-goer was wearing a Save The Borgias t-shirt or was dressed in a costume, and they crammed the hall as far as the eye could see.

"They have watched it on their televisions, on demand, and purchased boxsets for themselves and their friends. They have rewatched it and purchased merchandise and discussed it and made fanworks about it. They've formed a community around it that will last longer than the show's run – look at Star Trek, for example –"

"Wait, if their…love…" Nevins said, choking out the word, "will last longer than the show, why do they care if they get a fourth season?"

"Because canon is still necessary to power the fandom. Because a fourth season was planned. Because there's story still to be told. Because it didn't get a proper ending. Everyone, including Neil Jordan, said that was a season finale not a series finale. Because the interviews and blooper reels and photoshoots are as much part of fandom as the new canon they're about. Because they love the show and want to hold onto every last second of it. So many reasons."

All the fans began to chant, "We are The Borgias fans and we feel unloved!"

The noise was deafening.

Nevins covered his ears but he could still hear the buzzing of a plane that flew down from the ceiling dragging a banner proclaiming SEASON FOUR!!

He closed his eyes as it came straight for him.

When he opened them again he was back in his room.

Before he could be too relieved, the clock struck again. The room was plunged into darkness. Then there was a single candle flame. A shadowy figure beckoned from the doorway.

Nevins followed the figure down the hallway to a dungeon. The figure threw back his hood.

"I am Rodrigo Borgia, here as the spirit of The Borgias yet to come." Rodrigo gestured. "But since you cancelled the show we could be here forever, unable to move on."

"Oh, for God's sake!"

"Yes! For God's Sake! For our sake! For the fans sake!" Rodrigo made a dramatic gesture with both hands. "The fans want to see my reign over. They also want more, er, sexy times, I think they're called, between Cesare and Lucrezia, but I make no comment on that."

"And then it will be over?"

"Yes. You will have done your duty and the fans will forgive you." Rodrigo spread his arms again. "Bring on the hellfire!"

The room burst into flames. Nevins gave a shriek.

And again was back in his room.

Troubled, he went to sleep.

The next morning, he went to his office and called in an assistant. "Is it too late to Save The Borgias?"

"No, sir, it's never too late!"

Nevins nodded. "Then I'll do it. I'll give the fans their season four if they and their weird letters and costumed freaks and bizarre ghosts will stop!"

"You're going to renew The Borgias?"

"Yes," he said. "I am."

And he did. God bless all the fans, each and every one.

 

THE END*

(*see that's how you give an ending.)


End file.
